The Top 3 Reasons Using the Enneagram For Couples Builds Stronger Relationships

ou want the best relationship possible with the person you love. You want to be heard, respected, and loved unconditionally. Being heard, respected and loved is all possible if you are both committed to making it happen.

Using the Enneagram for couples builds stronger relationships. First, it helps you to be more self-aware. It helps you to accept and love yourself. It helps you to take 100% responsibility for your own behaviour.

Taking responsibility for your own behaviour invites you to focus on what you are capable of changing. Remember the only person you can change is yourself.
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The 3 Most Important Things A Good Relationship Consists Of

Are you hungry for love? Many of us will look for a person to complete us. The reality is that no one but our self can do this. Why? Because you are one hundred percent responsible for your own happiness.

You are two whole people going into your relationship. You’re there for each other to create a nurturing environment – nudging you both towards health and wholeness.

What do you desire in a relationship? You likely want intimacy, trust, safety, playfulness, encouragement, love and compassion. But are you both ready to take one hundred percent responsibility to make it happen?

Relationships should not be hard, but you will go through rough times. Are you both prepared to learn through the ups and downs of your relationship? If you both can say yes to this, you are ready to begin the adventure.

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How to Connect with God Without Religion

You may be like many today who call themselves spiritual rather than religious. You have lost trust in religion. You no longer see the relevance of faith communities.

You may be among the many who have wandered away from religious institutions and still hunger for mystery, interconnectedness, hope, and community.

Yes, you can have a deep relationship with God without ever entering a church or synagogue or mosque. The advantage of being a part of a faith community is that you have people to support you on the journey. Continue reading

How to Do Your Own Inner Critic Coaching

You have an inner critic. You will never get rid of it.  Instead of fighting it the best plan is to befriend it. Your inner critic wants to keep you safe in the limitations of your ego.  As a child, … Continue reading

The Positive Intent of Your Inner Critic (How you can make it your friend)

When you were young your ego kept you safe. It helped you to become your own person differentiating yourself from others.  It prevented you from making choices that could hurt you.

Your ego helped you to deal with the messiness of life. It was like a parent for you especially if your parents were not present or helpful.   

The positive intent of your inner critic is to keep you safe. It is that part of your ego which exists to keep you under its influence.  As I said above, the ego played an important role in helping you to survive your childhood. You would not have survived without it.

When you grow into adulthood the ego and the inner critic can get in your way if you are not aware of how it is impacting your life. Continue reading

Fifteen Steps for Changing the Voice in Your Head from Inner Critic to Inner Coach

You have heard that critical voice in your head too often. It is demanding. It is impatient. It is demeaning of self and others. It is loud and obnoxious. This demeaning voice is the voice of the inner critic. Your … Continue reading

The Enneagram Type Most Likely to Have Anxiety and How to Heal from It

The Enneagram Type that is most likely to have anxiety is called The Loyalist, and its also known as Type Six.

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If you are a type six personality, this is what you may experience:

·        You have a hard time trusting yourself

·        You have a tendency to ask others for advice

·        You have a tendency to worry about things that are unlikely to happen

·        You experience anxiety

·        You quickly get caught up in fear

·        You like to fix things before they become a problem

·        You want to keep yourself and those you love safe

·        You like everyone to follow the rules

·        As the names suggests you are loyal to those you love and work with

·        You love it when everyone is working well together

·        Some Loyalists deal with their anxiety internally, while others push against their fears.

All people experience stress, and as we have all types in us.  The suggestions I am about to offer will be helpful for anyone.

Here are eleven ways to reduce anxiety:

1.     Meditation:

Type six personalities are most likely to have anxiety. People with anxiety have overactive minds that need quieting down. People who identify as Loyalist tend to focus more on the past and the future than the present.

Your goal is to learn to live in the moment with all your inner wisdom available to you. When you become free from the past and future, the world no longer feels so scary.

Meditation takes you into the present. There is no wrong or right way to meditate. You can turn a walk or gardening into a time of meditation. Any activity that helps you to quiet your mind will help you to relax.

There are Apps such as “Insight Timer” that is available at both the App Store and Google Play.

Use this reflective time to notice what is going on in your body, in your emotions, and in your mind. Just allow yourself to be present with what you are experiencing without trying to do anything about it.

The more you are able to stay with your sensations, emotions and thoughts the less you will react. The less you react, the more clearly you will be able to make important decisions for yourself.

2.     Breathing:

If you are not breathing, you are dead. This is true. Yes, it doesn’t take any thought to breathe. Yet, when we do this with intention we can become more relaxed and home in our bodies.

The more anxious we get, the more and more we breathe shallowly. When you are not breathing deeply, you are no longer present in your body.

Notice this the next time you get anxious. Just with a minute of intentional deep breathing can bring you back into your body.

The wonderful thing is that you can do this anywhere without others even knowing you are doing it.

All you need to do is to breathe in slowly and slowly let it out. You can do this as many times a day as you need to. Please don’t overdo this breathing as it can cause you to hyperventilate.

This should help you to relax. If it is making you worse you are probably trying too hard.

3.     Journaling

If you are a type six, you are most likely to have anxiety. Your mind can quickly get out of control. It gets out of control when you focus on things you have no power over. Writing out your fears can help you to let go of them.You can brainstorm onto paper all the things you are worried about. This in itself can help you to quiet your mind.

The next step is to ask yourself if these fears have any validity to them. What is true? What is the kernel of truth? What can you let go of?

For example, you may be worried about your annual job review. Your mind might be getting the best of you, worrying about all sorts of scenarios that are unlikely to happen.

As you calm down with breathing, ask yourself what the kernel of truth is. Maybe it is that your job is important to you.  The rest are lies. Your experience at work will probably tell you that you have nothing to worry about.

If the worst-case scenario of being fired comes true, will the world end?  The world is not going to end. You will go through a challenging time, but you will find a new job. In the end, all will be well.

 

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4.     Ritual:

Ritual can help you to find inner peace. Ritual, helps you to remember that you are part of something more significant.  These daily, weekly, monthly or yearly routines help you to remember that you have a place in this world.

Ritual does not have to be religious. Ritual can include sitting down and having a cup of-of coffee before you go to work. The ritual can involve sitting down with your family for supper every night.  Ritual can acknowledge significant occasions in our life such as birth, adolescence, becoming an adult, leaving home, the first job, getting married, having children, college, retirement, and death.

Ritual helps you to know that you are on a journey and you are not alone. It reminds you that you have worth. It tells you that you have a purpose in the world.  It reminds you that you have an essential role to play.

5.     Naming Your Inner Critic:

You have an inner critic. Any person with an active inner-critic is most like to have anxiety.  It is the part of your ego that tries to keep you safe. You could not have survived in your early years of life without it.

It is that negative voice within you that is putting you or others down. It is the ego trying to keep you to what it knows.

When you are stuck in the world of your inner critic, life is going to be very stressful. It limits your response to life and leads you to act in ways that are no longer healthy for you.

For us to get healthier, you need to start becoming aware of how you respond to stress in life. There are many tools available to you to help you become conscious of how you react to the ups and downs of life.

I recommend to you the Enneagram Personality system. It shows you what to watch out for and gives you tools to help you become more attuned to your body, emotions, and mind.

With time and practice, you will catch yourself in the act. What I mean is you will start to notice when you are acting out an old pattern that you know longer want to do.

You will eventually get to the point where you will become aware just before you were going to do it and will then have the opportunity to act in new ways.

6.     Be your self:

You are in charge of your own life. When you are online with your three energy centers, you will know how you are meant to live your life.

Your body will let you know what it needs to be healthy. Your heart will let you know how you are to make a difference in the world. Your mind will help you to make your life what you want it to be.

To be yourself you need to listen to the wisdom within you. You will inwardly know the direction you need to go.

Don’t worry what others think of you. If you are on the right path just let go of all the expectations family and friends have of you. In the end, they will respect you for the choices you have made.

7.     Seek community and support:

You need people in your life to be healthy. Being real with other can help us to be more at peace.

Seek out friends and family you can trust. Let them know what is going on with you. You can do the same for them. Just speaking what you are experiencing can reduce anxiety significantly.

Go and enjoy activities with friends and family. Having some fun is one of the best ways to overcome anxiety. Find a friend who helps you to laugh.  Laughing is therapeutic.Sometimes you will need to get professional help. There is nothing wrong with asking for help. This is a sign of strength and not weakness.

There are many counselors, coaches and healing practitioners out there. Ask friends and family for suggestions. When you go to your first session ask questions to help you discern if they are the right match for you.

 

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8.     Celebrate Life:

You are given a short time on the planet earth. Use your time for the best.

What do you want to achieve in life? What experiences do you want to have? Don’t keep putting these off. If you really want to do something whether that is going on a trip, learning something new and/or going back to school, make it happen.

Figure out a way to make your dreams a reality. Don’t be afraid to spend money on your self if that investment will help you to do what you have been called to do.

Make sure you take time to play. If you don’t have children in your immediate family find someone else’s children who can teach you to play again.

Play music, dance, make art, write, garden, cook, enjoy good food and sing. Do this until your heart is overflowing with joy!

9.     Love Your Self:

Loving yourself is critical to your wellbeing! There is a big difference between being self-righteous and loving yourself. When you are self-righteous, you are only concerned about yourself. When you love yourself, this is not just for you, but it is also for your friends and family.

A happy, healthy you is the best gift you can give to the world. When you are at your best, you bring your best self to the world.

You love yourself by taking care of your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual needs. What do you need to do more of? What do you need to do less of?

10.You don’t need to be fixed:

You are perfect just the way you are.

Some of us are more likely to have anxiety. This is part of the human condition.

Instead of finding ways to fix yourself, learn to accept yourself just as you are.  Don’t try to hide the emotions, sensations, and thoughts that make you feel uncomfortable.

Allow the sensations and emotions to surface and just be with them. With intentional deep breathing the emotions, sensations, and thoughts become less and less overwhelming.

11.It doesn’t have to be this way!

You may be a person that is more likely to be anxious. All of us face anxiety at some time in our lives.  But the good news is that we don’t need to allow anxiety to continue interfering with your life.

If you identify with type six, the Loyalist, you are more likely to experience anxiety. Yet no matter what type we may identify with being anxious is part of the human condition.

If you work through these eleven suggestions, you will be able to tame your anxiety.

There is no magic solution. Healing from anxiety is a long-term process. It may never totally disappear, but you will experience more joy and ease in your life the more you come to terms with it.

You will find some of these suggestions more helpful for you than others. Explore these activities and see what works best for you.

No matter what happens to remember you are not alone. You have friends and family to help you. When you need more help, there are psychiatrist, counselors, coaches and other healing practitioners.

 

Roland Legge offers life/executive coaching and Enneagram workshops through REL Consultants.  For more information, please arrange for a free 30-minute discovery call by phoning Roland at 1 306 620-7478 or book your appointment online    Please click on “Discovery Call.”

 

Originally Published on the REL Consultants Blog

When Someone Tells You “Anything’s Possible” What Do They Really Mean?

Do you believe that anything’s possible? All of us have great potential. There are more possibilities in life than you can imagine. You Are Born With A Richness Of Gifts So much is possible in your life! You have great value … Continue reading

What Nobdy Tells You About Finding Your Purpose

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How many times have you asked yourself what is my purpose in this world? There are hundreds of books out there telling you how to do it. How many books have you read? No matter how much you have read, you must determine your process to find the direction for your life. Here is what nobody tells you about finding your purpose.

Discover Your Process

There is a fantastic tool called the Enneagram that can help you to find your path in life.

What is the Enneagram?

Have you heard of the Enneagram?  It has changed my life. It can change yours. Working with the Enneagram provides a process for you to find your calling in life. How can it help you?

It helps you to become as present as you can be in the three centers (Head, Heart, and Body). Your job is to become self-aware and open. A good place to start is to name your energy center and to find out what type you are.

This psychological/spiritual teaching suggests that at the beginning of your life your inner-self chooses one of nine different ways to survive in the world which connect to one of three energy centers: Body, Heart, and Mind.  For more information on these three power centers and nine types, please go to the Enneagram Institutes website: 

At the beginning of life, connected to your body, heart, and mind, everything was in harmony.  As you mature, the energy centers get distorted. Blinding you from fully experiencing the world as it is.

No Enneagram Type is Better than AnotherFootReflexologyPink

No one Enneagram type is better than another.  Each personality has its positive and negative attributes.  In fact, your goal is to get as healthy as you can in all nine.  You are much more than your personality.

Head Center

If you are in the head center, like me, you may have far too much going on in your brain. Do you have constant conversations going on in your head?  Do you worry more about the past and future than you focus on the present?  On the positive side, you bring the gift of wisdom to the world.

Heart Center

If you are in the heart center, you might be more concerned with the needs of others than your own needs. If you want to care for others, you need to care for yourself. How good are you at taking care of yourself? On the positive side, you have the gift of knowing what others need, and if you pay attention, you also have the gift to know what you need.

Body Center

If you are in the body center, you have a big heart but are fearful to show it.  Once people get to know you, they will find you are one of the most compassionate people they have met.  You have the gift of intuition which helps you to make wise decisions for yourself and your communities.

Finding Your Purpose

Finding your purpose is all about opening your three energy centers, the body, heart, and head. Discovering your Enneagram type gives you a tool to help you to get healthier through becoming more present.

You Are Amazing

You have an amazing body. How much have you learned from the sensations of your body? Take a moment right now to discern what is happening in your body. Are your muscles relaxed? What feelings are you experiencing in your body?  What is your intuition telling you? Your body will let you know if you are in sink with your purpose.

You have a beautiful heart. How comfortable are you with your emotions? Take a moment to notice what is going on in your heart.  Are you happy, in love, angry, frustrated, irritable? If you pay attention to your emotions, they will tell you much about what you need and give insight into building healthy relationships.

You have a brilliant mind. The struggle for many of us is that our mind gets too active.  Your mind is at its best when the inner-conversation is quiet. If you learn what is important to you in life, you will know what you need to do in each moment.

When you are grounded in your body, open to your heart and a quiet mind you are at your best.  You will know what your purpose is. It will be self-evident.

You Have What it Takes

Finding your purpose is not something you can force. What nobody tells you about finding your purpose is that it comes from becoming attuned to your three energy centers. It is not easy work unlearning old habits. But the rewards are more than worth it.  The more present you can be for yourself the clearer the direction will be for your journey through life.

Roland Legge offers presence based life coaching through REL Consultants for individuals, couples, and organizations to help them to be the best they can be. For more information, please arrange for a free 30-minute discovery call by phoning Roland at 1 306 620-7478 or book your appointment online  Please click on “Discovery Call.”

This Article was first published at REL Consultants https://www.relconsultants.com/live-your-best-life-now-blog/finding-purpose