Why Is It Hard to Connect with God When Things Are Going Well?

You know life is going well for you!  Your dreams are coming true.  You love your job. You are in a great relationship.  Everything is going well!  Why with all this good happening in your life, does it feel like something is missing. Maybe it is your relationship with God.

Why is hard to connect with God when things are going well? When you are going through good times, it is easy to forget you still need the holy in your life.

You create the illusion that all this good that has come to you in your life has come from your efforts.  Continue reading

How to Manage the Most Common Challenges of Life Transitions

Right from birth, you are going to experience transitions in life. It starts at the beginning of life at birth.

Can you imagine the shock you must have felt being birthed into the cold world from the cozy, safe home of your mother?

After birth, you go from one transition to another. They include: Your first steps. The first time you rode a bicycle. The first time your parents left you with a babysitter.

Then there is the first day of school. Puberty, when your body starts to go through many physical changes. First serious relationship. Leaving home. Going to university. Marriage, becoming a parent, being fired, moving to a different community, empty nest, retirement and death are all part of life’s journey.

Your goal is to manage the challenges of life transitions as best as you can. Continue reading

How to Do Your Own Inner Critic Coaching

You have an inner critic. You will never get rid of it.  Instead of fighting it the best plan is to befriend it. Your inner critic wants to keep you safe in the limitations of your ego.  As a child, … Continue reading

Fifteen Steps for Changing the Voice in Your Head from Inner Critic to Inner Coach

You have heard that critical voice in your head too often. It is demanding. It is impatient. It is demeaning of self and others. It is loud and obnoxious. This demeaning voice is the voice of the inner critic. Your … Continue reading

The Enneagram Type Most Likely to Have Anxiety and How to Heal from It

The Enneagram Type that is most likely to have anxiety is called The Loyalist, and its also known as Type Six.

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If you are a type six personality, this is what you may experience:

·        You have a hard time trusting yourself

·        You have a tendency to ask others for advice

·        You have a tendency to worry about things that are unlikely to happen

·        You experience anxiety

·        You quickly get caught up in fear

·        You like to fix things before they become a problem

·        You want to keep yourself and those you love safe

·        You like everyone to follow the rules

·        As the names suggests you are loyal to those you love and work with

·        You love it when everyone is working well together

·        Some Loyalists deal with their anxiety internally, while others push against their fears.

All people experience stress, and as we have all types in us.  The suggestions I am about to offer will be helpful for anyone.

Here are eleven ways to reduce anxiety:

1.     Meditation:

Type six personalities are most likely to have anxiety. People with anxiety have overactive minds that need quieting down. People who identify as Loyalist tend to focus more on the past and the future than the present.

Your goal is to learn to live in the moment with all your inner wisdom available to you. When you become free from the past and future, the world no longer feels so scary.

Meditation takes you into the present. There is no wrong or right way to meditate. You can turn a walk or gardening into a time of meditation. Any activity that helps you to quiet your mind will help you to relax.

There are Apps such as “Insight Timer” that is available at both the App Store and Google Play.

Use this reflective time to notice what is going on in your body, in your emotions, and in your mind. Just allow yourself to be present with what you are experiencing without trying to do anything about it.

The more you are able to stay with your sensations, emotions and thoughts the less you will react. The less you react, the more clearly you will be able to make important decisions for yourself.

2.     Breathing:

If you are not breathing, you are dead. This is true. Yes, it doesn’t take any thought to breathe. Yet, when we do this with intention we can become more relaxed and home in our bodies.

The more anxious we get, the more and more we breathe shallowly. When you are not breathing deeply, you are no longer present in your body.

Notice this the next time you get anxious. Just with a minute of intentional deep breathing can bring you back into your body.

The wonderful thing is that you can do this anywhere without others even knowing you are doing it.

All you need to do is to breathe in slowly and slowly let it out. You can do this as many times a day as you need to. Please don’t overdo this breathing as it can cause you to hyperventilate.

This should help you to relax. If it is making you worse you are probably trying too hard.

3.     Journaling

If you are a type six, you are most likely to have anxiety. Your mind can quickly get out of control. It gets out of control when you focus on things you have no power over. Writing out your fears can help you to let go of them.You can brainstorm onto paper all the things you are worried about. This in itself can help you to quiet your mind.

The next step is to ask yourself if these fears have any validity to them. What is true? What is the kernel of truth? What can you let go of?

For example, you may be worried about your annual job review. Your mind might be getting the best of you, worrying about all sorts of scenarios that are unlikely to happen.

As you calm down with breathing, ask yourself what the kernel of truth is. Maybe it is that your job is important to you.  The rest are lies. Your experience at work will probably tell you that you have nothing to worry about.

If the worst-case scenario of being fired comes true, will the world end?  The world is not going to end. You will go through a challenging time, but you will find a new job. In the end, all will be well.

 

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4.     Ritual:

Ritual can help you to find inner peace. Ritual, helps you to remember that you are part of something more significant.  These daily, weekly, monthly or yearly routines help you to remember that you have a place in this world.

Ritual does not have to be religious. Ritual can include sitting down and having a cup of-of coffee before you go to work. The ritual can involve sitting down with your family for supper every night.  Ritual can acknowledge significant occasions in our life such as birth, adolescence, becoming an adult, leaving home, the first job, getting married, having children, college, retirement, and death.

Ritual helps you to know that you are on a journey and you are not alone. It reminds you that you have worth. It tells you that you have a purpose in the world.  It reminds you that you have an essential role to play.

5.     Naming Your Inner Critic:

You have an inner critic. Any person with an active inner-critic is most like to have anxiety.  It is the part of your ego that tries to keep you safe. You could not have survived in your early years of life without it.

It is that negative voice within you that is putting you or others down. It is the ego trying to keep you to what it knows.

When you are stuck in the world of your inner critic, life is going to be very stressful. It limits your response to life and leads you to act in ways that are no longer healthy for you.

For us to get healthier, you need to start becoming aware of how you respond to stress in life. There are many tools available to you to help you become conscious of how you react to the ups and downs of life.

I recommend to you the Enneagram Personality system. It shows you what to watch out for and gives you tools to help you become more attuned to your body, emotions, and mind.

With time and practice, you will catch yourself in the act. What I mean is you will start to notice when you are acting out an old pattern that you know longer want to do.

You will eventually get to the point where you will become aware just before you were going to do it and will then have the opportunity to act in new ways.

6.     Be your self:

You are in charge of your own life. When you are online with your three energy centers, you will know how you are meant to live your life.

Your body will let you know what it needs to be healthy. Your heart will let you know how you are to make a difference in the world. Your mind will help you to make your life what you want it to be.

To be yourself you need to listen to the wisdom within you. You will inwardly know the direction you need to go.

Don’t worry what others think of you. If you are on the right path just let go of all the expectations family and friends have of you. In the end, they will respect you for the choices you have made.

7.     Seek community and support:

You need people in your life to be healthy. Being real with other can help us to be more at peace.

Seek out friends and family you can trust. Let them know what is going on with you. You can do the same for them. Just speaking what you are experiencing can reduce anxiety significantly.

Go and enjoy activities with friends and family. Having some fun is one of the best ways to overcome anxiety. Find a friend who helps you to laugh.  Laughing is therapeutic.Sometimes you will need to get professional help. There is nothing wrong with asking for help. This is a sign of strength and not weakness.

There are many counselors, coaches and healing practitioners out there. Ask friends and family for suggestions. When you go to your first session ask questions to help you discern if they are the right match for you.

 

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8.     Celebrate Life:

You are given a short time on the planet earth. Use your time for the best.

What do you want to achieve in life? What experiences do you want to have? Don’t keep putting these off. If you really want to do something whether that is going on a trip, learning something new and/or going back to school, make it happen.

Figure out a way to make your dreams a reality. Don’t be afraid to spend money on your self if that investment will help you to do what you have been called to do.

Make sure you take time to play. If you don’t have children in your immediate family find someone else’s children who can teach you to play again.

Play music, dance, make art, write, garden, cook, enjoy good food and sing. Do this until your heart is overflowing with joy!

9.     Love Your Self:

Loving yourself is critical to your wellbeing! There is a big difference between being self-righteous and loving yourself. When you are self-righteous, you are only concerned about yourself. When you love yourself, this is not just for you, but it is also for your friends and family.

A happy, healthy you is the best gift you can give to the world. When you are at your best, you bring your best self to the world.

You love yourself by taking care of your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual needs. What do you need to do more of? What do you need to do less of?

10.You don’t need to be fixed:

You are perfect just the way you are.

Some of us are more likely to have anxiety. This is part of the human condition.

Instead of finding ways to fix yourself, learn to accept yourself just as you are.  Don’t try to hide the emotions, sensations, and thoughts that make you feel uncomfortable.

Allow the sensations and emotions to surface and just be with them. With intentional deep breathing the emotions, sensations, and thoughts become less and less overwhelming.

11.It doesn’t have to be this way!

You may be a person that is more likely to be anxious. All of us face anxiety at some time in our lives.  But the good news is that we don’t need to allow anxiety to continue interfering with your life.

If you identify with type six, the Loyalist, you are more likely to experience anxiety. Yet no matter what type we may identify with being anxious is part of the human condition.

If you work through these eleven suggestions, you will be able to tame your anxiety.

There is no magic solution. Healing from anxiety is a long-term process. It may never totally disappear, but you will experience more joy and ease in your life the more you come to terms with it.

You will find some of these suggestions more helpful for you than others. Explore these activities and see what works best for you.

No matter what happens to remember you are not alone. You have friends and family to help you. When you need more help, there are psychiatrist, counselors, coaches and other healing practitioners.

 

Roland Legge offers life/executive coaching and Enneagram workshops through REL Consultants.  For more information, please arrange for a free 30-minute discovery call by phoning Roland at 1 306 620-7478 or book your appointment online    Please click on “Discovery Call.”

 

Originally Published on the REL Consultants Blog

The Seven Benefits of Good Relationships at Work

You spend a lot of time at work. Life is short so why don’t you make the best of your time.  Being able to enjoy your connections with those you work with makes a world of difference. Here are some of the benefits of good relationships at work.

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The Enneagram an Excellent Tool

The Enneagram personality system helps you to get along better with your colleagues. It helps you to get to know yourself and understand others better.

When you come into the world, you naturally are given one of nine different ways to survive in the world. Both your genetic background and early life experiences influence the personality type you receive.

When you know what type you are, you begin to understand why you act the way you do. It also gives you clues as to what makes others tick. All this makes it possible for healthier relationships with your self and others. For more information on the Enneagram, please see last weeks blog.

Good Relationships Make a Difference

There are many reasons to have good relationships at work:

Feelings of Well-Being:

1.     Building relationships with your colleagues enhance your feelings of well-being. You feel supported not only in your paid work but in your general welfare as a human being.  You no longer have to divide your self between your personal and work life. You can be yourself in both places.

The Enneagram personality system helps you to become more present allowing you to be fully open at the moment. When you are open,  you are better able to create healthier boundaries. Healthy boundaries enable you to be fully present to another person without having to give up your own needs.

Communication Makes the World Go Around:

2.     Excellent communication makes your business more productive. Your ability to communicate with others increases as you build healthy relationships with those at work. The best way to talk with a colleague is by being fully open to their body language, emotions and what they have to say.

Communication is enhanced through working with the Enneagram. When you can see how different you see the world as compared to others, it opens the door to better understanding.

As you get healthier in all nine types, you have an excellent communication toolbox to get your message across in the most helpful way.

So much can get in the way of your people understanding you. The Enneagram shows you the places you tend to get stuck.

You begin to see your blind spots such as overcompensating for your lack of worth by focussing more on the needs of others and/or overly criticizing others for not completing tasks in the exact way you wanted.

A company that uses the Enneagram with staff and management helps your organization to get along with each other.  Learning the nine fundamental ways to function in the world helps to create self-awareness. This is the first step to excellent communication.

The Power of Collegiality:

3.     Collegiality is fundamental for a company to be productive, not only for staff getting along with each other but in relationships with your customers and clients.

For collegial relationships to be active and healthy, you need to move beyond your personality. The Enneagram points out where you get stuck in your habits. The Enneagram provides you a map to get out of your box.

When you are open to your three energy centers, through,  personal development, space opens up in your relationships. Creating space allows for bridges to be built across diverse views.  You make this happen by sharing skills, being open about your abilities, and expressing your creativity.

Collegiality at its best is like a dance where everybody knows how to move with each other bringing out your best.

Unmask Your Creativity:

4.     Creativity is a misunderstood word. How creative do you believe you are? You and everyone else has an artistic side. Did someone in your life try to silence your artistic side?

The Enneagram points to the creativity in you and everyone else. You are naturally creative when you are open to experiencing the world through our bodies, emotions and quiet mind.

When you have a group of people feeling good and enjoying the comradery of your colleagues, you will have a natural desire and ability to be creative.

You will no longer view the world as dualistic. Problems that seemed insurmountable, you will find a new way to move ahead. You and your colleagues will be free to try new ideas and retry old ideas that in another time didn’t work or given a chance.

You and your company are going to move ahead with greater confidence and ease.

Investing in Mental Health:

5.     Your physical, mental and spiritual health are vital to you and your organization.  More and more companies are encouraging their employees like you to stay active and fit through providing access to gyms, yoga classes and other forms of group exercise.

Your spiritual well-being is congruent with the worth you connect with the work you do. Doing work that goes against your values will destroy you. You want people in your places of work that believe what you are doing is essential and adds value to the world.

The Enneagram is a great tool to help you find balance in your life. It helps you to see what is missing in your life and what you overindulge. It not only helps you to name what is not, in balance but gives you clues to find balance again.

The Power of Conflict:

6.     Do you like conflict? You are probably like many who do not enjoy conflict unless you are one of the few people who thrive on it.

Conflict is prevalent in your life. You have conflict soon as you have a group of people with different points of view. In your diverse world, it is reasonable and healthy to have a difference of opinion.

As the Enneagram welcomes you into a non-dualistic word, many more solutions open up, especially when there are more two ways to resolve a conflict.

The Enneagram helps you to look at each situation with fresh eyes to see what is the best solution for the time.

Resolving conflict becomes a win-win solution which is good news for everyone!

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Efficiency Comes from Healthy Relationships:

7.     All businesses want to have efficient works. You are going to be the most efficient when you enjoy the benefit of good relationships at work.

If you have a bully for a boss, you might be efficient for a short time because of fearing your boss. But this will not last because unhappy, stressed out workers become less and less productive.

Bullied employees will get sick more often. Bullied employees will take more days off work because of stress and illness.  Bullied employees take no pride or responsibility in the operation of the business.  You will continually look for new employees as staff continues to leave for better work environments.

The Enneagram can help you, and your colleagues find ways to honor, support and respect each other. It will help you bring out the best in yourself and the rest of the staff and management.

The benefits of good relationships at work are many. A happy, meaningful and respectful work environment encourages healthy relationships between you and your colleagues.

When you are getting your needs met, you are going to be more relaxed, committed, creative and hard working.

If you see the value of the work you put into your job, you will treat your post as much more than a task to make money. If you are passionate about what you do you are going to work with high energy and dedication.

With the experience of knowing that conflict is positive, you will experience diverse opinions as a strength more than a curse.

You will find freedom in fully expressing your opinions, thoughts, theories, and ideas to your organization knowing they will be heard.  There is no longer need to pick only one winner. The team becomes more important than the individual.

Most of all, you will enjoy being with the people who work with you. Going to work will no longer be drudgery, but something you look forward to each day. Going to work becomes fun and empowering.

Roland Legge offers Life Coaching through REL Consultants for individuals, and Executives to help them to be the best they can be. For more information, please arrange for a free 30-minute discovery call by phoning Roland at 1 306 620-7478 or book your appointment online Please click on “Discovery Call.”

 

Originally Posted at REL Consultants http://www.relconsultants.com

 

7 Steps to Stay Grounded During Chaotic Times

 

A man is dealing with intense work rush hour traffic jam stress by getting relief doing yoga on top of his car in this humorous scene that shows PEACE on the license plate of the car he is sitting on.

You live in chaotic times. With electronic media, you are overwhelmed with news from around the world twenty-four hours a day. Most news is negative, full of fear, violence and despair. You feel weighted down by negativity. You want to experience joy without having to put your head in the sand. Here are seven ways to stay grounded despite all this and enjoy life.

  1. Mindfulness

Practicing mindfulness is a great place to start. Mindfulness is a meditation practice to help you to live in the moment. The good news is that living in the moment does not require you to silence the mind. It is normal for your mind to think just as it is for your heart to beat.

 

Mindfulness can help you to quiet the mind through not getting overly attached to your thoughts. If you have not done this before you will need lots of practise just because you are starting a new habit. Start small with a goal you can achieve. So, you might want to start meditating for only five minutes each day.

Your daily practise can help you to reconnect with your highest self leading to a more meaningful life. You are at your best when you are open to your three energy centers. The three centers are body (physical), heart, (emotions) and head (thoughts). You will discover an inner knowing that you will grow to trust. Over time you will find your inner peace that will help you to live with hope, joy and purpose.

  1. You are what you eat

You have probably heard this statement before “You are what you eat”. When you are grounded you pay more attention to how your physical and emotional self responds to different types of food. Your body will let you know what it needs.

Your body will also let you know what type of exercise it needs. Have you heard that you should exercise until it hurts? You can seriously hurt yourself if you don’t pay attention to the wisdom of your body. If your body is hurting you probably have pushed yourself to far.

Your body is unique to you. What others need does not necessarily mean you need the same thing. If you have tried, unsuccessfully, many exercise and diet programs do not despair. The more you practice mindfulness the better you will be with giving your body what it needs.

  1. Friends

Spending time in person with good friends can brighten your day. Have you noticed the difference between messaging, texting, talking on the phone and visiting in person? Meeting in person is always the most powerful way to connect with another person.

Most importantly you communicate not only with your words, but with your whole body. There is much you miss when you can not see the other person face to face, body to body.  When you are grounded, you can learn a lot about another person by how you feel inside yourself. You simply need to be open, to fully experiencing another person and be willing to go deep within yourself.

Have you noticed that you treat and are treated better when you are in person because there is no place to hide? There is much hatred and intolerance on social media because people don’t have to take ownership for what they say.

  1. Music therapy

Listen to music/songs that inspire you. What is your favourite song? Have you ever noticed what you experience on hearing different types of music and songs? Many of us are oblivious to how music impacts us.

Music and songs can touch as at a deep level. Some music gets us angry. Some music brings us feelings of peace. Some music is very disturbing. Have you ever reflected on how screen writers use music and song to heighten the emotions in a movie?

 

What music calms your mind? What are the songs that help you to cry?  What songs bring out the courage in you? Just remember what brings out these emotions in you won’t necessarily bring it out the same way in another person.

 

  1. Random acts of kindness

Practising random acts of kindness not only helps others, it changes the way you experience the world.  Have you noticed how good you feel after doing something positive for another person, an animal and/or for the environment? Acting with love changes the way you experience the world.

When you act with compassion your own energy is transformed. The energy of compassion permeates your whole being. You may not always be aware of it, but the people you meet are impacted by the emotional, spiritual and physical energy that emanates from you.

You attract the people with the same type of energy you have. Compassion attracts people with compassion. Calm attracts people who are calm. Contentment attracts people who are content. You will also attract those who desire to change. You can be a shining light for those caught in the storms of life.

 

  1. Joy of playing

Do you remember the joy of playing when you were a child? Playing helps you to find the inner child within you. A way of being when you are open, free and non-judgemental allowing you to experience the world through the lens of wonder and simplicity.

Growing up you have had to put on armour to protect you from all that all life throws at you. This is your ego at work. You could not survive without your ego, but as an adult it can hamper your growth. The good news is that with play you can rekindle that same spirit in you again.

 

Finding your true self can begin along journey for transformation. When you can begin to reside in this place of openness, wisdom and love suddenly the impossible is possible.

 

 

  1. Volunteering

Volunteer for an awesome non-profit organization is a great way to find hope, meaning and joy in life. What are your favourite non-profits? How would you like to make a difference in the world? What skills do you have to offer?

There are so many ways to volunteer in the world. Do you like to work in teams or do you work best work alone?  Maybe this will even lead to a job of your dreams.

Volunteering with a group that fits your values can change the way you see the world. When you feel good about what you do; you can change your emotions, your body chemistry and the lens which you see the world. The world will start to look a lot friendlier. You can choose to move from despair to hope. You will be a light to the world.

 

With intention, you can stay grounded no matter what is happening in the world.  Stay grounded through caring for your body, emotions and thoughts. Meditation helps you to stay in touch with your inner self. Caring for your body through exercise and eating well is life giving. Connecting with friends helps you to stay connected. Music and songs uplifts your spirit. Playing, like a child, opens your heart to experiencing the world with openness. Last and not least, volunteer for an organization that fits your values which helps you to radiate hope wherever you go.

 

Roland Legge offers life coaching through REL Consultants for individuals, couples, families and executives to help them to be the best they can be. For more information please arrange for a free 30-minute discovery call by phoning Roland at 1 306 620-7478 or book your appointment online at   https://www.relconsultants.com/calendar/ .  Please click on “Discovery Call”.