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You live a busy life. There is so much demanded of you. You are expected to get the kids ready for school everyday. Then there are the after-school activities that take up many of your evenings. You have ageing parents and they need a lot of your time. Every weekday you are expected at work to give it your all. You have a colleague at work who makes life miserable for you. Then there is all the financial stress. You hate being in debt, but to afford the house you live in you had to take out a large mortgage. No wonder you are feeling stressed and crazy!
No matter the type of stresses you face in your life there are healthier ways to respond. Your body, emotions and thoughts are there to help you to live your lives well. They let you know when you are trying to do too much. They let you know when you have become unbalanced. They let you know when you need to make changes in your lives for your well being.
Not only do our bodies, emotions and thoughts let you know when you are in trouble but they help you to find meaning, purpose and joy in life. They show you where your passions and gifts are. They lead you on a path to self enquiry. They help you to stay healthy. When all your channels are open life flows more easily.
In this article, I am going to describe nine ways your anxiety and feelings of craziness are waking you up to finding a more happy and meaningful life. The sensations, emotions and thoughts you are having are only proving how human you are.
1. Your body is your friend! All the discomfort you are feeling is your body calling you to attention. Your body communicates with you through all the sensations you experience such as an upset stomach, tension in your shoulders, relaxed muscles and/or a sensation of energy (vitality) moving around your whole body. You will feel a sense of relief every time you listen to your internal wisdom.
2. Your heart is your path to intimacy with self and others. If your heart is feeling tender and hurt it is calling for your attention. Your heart needs to be heard. When you risk really feeling what is going on with your emotions you will be rewarded with a peace within you that nothing else can provide. A tender heart may lead to feelings of craziness, but it is more importantly a sign of your humanity and a guide for your soul.
3. Does your mind feel out of control? You might be suffering with monkey mind. Your mind has most likely got caught up with your ego going to great extremes to trying to protect you. It may feel like a hurricane is blowing through you. This can be unsettling.
But it is not proof you are going crazy. It is a reminder to find some sort of practice to quiet your mind. We all need our egos to survive, but often our ego’s get in our way limiting us in how we respond to life. You have opportunities coming up in your life that will surprise you and delight you!
4. Your discomfort is calling you to risk new ways of being. We would never grow emotionally and spiritually unless we experienced some sort of struggle, discomfort and/or pain.
Most of us grow the most during times of distress in our life. It motivates us to seek the help we need. It motivates us to take risk trying out new ways of being that maybe a few weeks ago felt too overwhelming.
5. The muscles in our body show us when we are happy, when we are relaxed, when we are upset, when we are angry, and when we are frustrated. Often are muscles are more honest about what is going on inside us than what are head convinces us to think.
Unless we are sick are the muscles don’t lie. So, paying attention to the sensations of our muscles give us great wisdom into what is really going on inside us. Do you have monkey mind?
6. Sleepless nights are not pleasant especially when they continue for days. Your inner self is probably trying desperately to control everything in your life. The truth is that there is much in your life that you can not control.
It is learning to know the difference between what you can change and what you can not. You may be feeling more and more crazy with little sleep and yet the struggle is calling you back to balance.
7. Are you having a hard time getting out of bed? Your body is likely craving more sleep. What else might your body be craving? Do you need more exercise? Do you need to eat healthier? How about a holiday?
Your wise body is trying to tell you to care better for your self. Have you been checked out by your doctor lately? If you pay attention your body it will let you know when you are overdoing it.
8. On those days, you are feeling too embarrassed to be among friends, colleagues, and/or family because you worry that others will think you are crazy; take a deep breath. The good news is that you are no crazier than anyone else.
Part of being human is the assumption we make that no other person could understand what we are going through. The truth is that we are not alone. Other people have suffered in the same way we have. Your true friends will accept you for who you are.
9. If you are crazy you would not know that you are. The good news is that you are a beautiful person having very ordinary and yet extraordinary experiences. You can be thankful for the wisdom that comes from your bodies, emotions and thoughts and it is available to you everyday. This wisdom can guide you to healthier and happier living making the world a better place one person at a time. Honor yourself by listening to your inner world.
You have nothing to be ashamed of. If you were not feeling all that you are then you would have good reason to worry.
The good news is that you are a human being on a journey towards healing and wholeness. When our three channels are open body, emotions and thoughts we have all we need to make our way in your world. The sensations, emotions, and thoughts are like sign posts on the highway giving us direction, pointing to places of beauty, places of importance, warning us of dangers, showing us places of interest and places to avoid.
Our anxiety are signs that we are being nudged to be more present so we can pay attention to the wisdom within us. Feelings of craziness are merely a sign that you are alive and that your internal self is calling upon you to make change in your life.
Take the risk to experience all of you both inward and outward. It takes some time to get used to being on this journey, but it is well worth the effort. You will find an inner peace that nothing else can offer. Life will still have its struggles but it will go more smoothly and feel less overwhelming.
Roland Legge offers life coaching through REL Consultants for individuals, couples, families and executives to help them to be the best they can be. For more information please arrange for a free 30-minute discovery call by phoning Roland at 1 306 620-7478 or book your appointment online at https://www.relconsultants.com/calendar/ . Please click on “Discovery Call”.
Relationships are Complex
Intimate relationships are complex. At their best they are meaningful, encouraging and beautiful and at their worst they destroy lives. All relationships go through ups and downs.
The Joy is Gone
But when the joy of being together is no longer there we ether need to make changes or end the relationship. I am writing to you who have tried everything to save your relationship, but nothing seems to be changing.
Faithful you have Been
You have worked so hard to save your relationship! Your family and friends have been after you to leave your partner. But you took your vows seriously and did everything you could to save it.
It is hard to let Go
It is hard to let go. It feels overwhelming to envision life on your own whether the relationship has been long or short, especially if you have children. You feel like a failure because you are breaking a promise. You never imagined you would be the one to end the relationship.
You feel Alone
You feel alone and fear it will be worse when you are separated. You wonder how it will impact the friendships you have developed as a couple. You wonder how it will impact your children. You ask yourself is this the best decision for my children.
The Promise I Made
Most of us go into marriages with the expectation they will be life long. Sadly there are still religious groups that condemn people who leave marriages. If you have done your best to save your marriage, if there was something good to save, you have nothing to be ashamed of. But there comes the moment when it is time to let go so you can find some joy in your life again.
The Nine Signs
Here are nine signs that suggest it may be time to end your relationship:
Walking on Egg Shells
- You feel like you are walking on egg shells. You are always fighting and/or being given the silent treatment. You haven’t had a good sleep in weeks. The stress is taking a toll on you. Friends, family and colleagues keep asking you what is wrong. You are too embarrassed to tell the people in your life.
My Children are Acting Out
- Your children are acting out even though you have tried so hard to prevent the children from knowing that you are having relationship problems. You keep reassuring them even though you know you are lying.
What more is there to Read?
- You have read so many books on relationships, but nothing seems to be working. Your spouse isn’t interested and thinks all these books are silly. He thinks there is not a problem. He says this is how it was it was with his parents. He keeps telling me just to suck it up. This makes me cry even more.
It is all in your Head
- You have been after her to go for counselling. She keeps telling you it is all in your head. You still go but no matter what you try nothing seems to improve. The stronger you get the more you realize that you can’t not live with this stress much longer.
Your Friends are Worried
- Your best friend tells you over and over that you have a place to come whenever you decide to leave. They tell you how concerned they are for your wellbeing. They tell you how much they hate seeing you suffer. They keep reminding me that you are not a failure. You are gradually getting to believe her.
Pushed Beyond Limits
- You are pushed beyond your limits. He goes off and buys the latest Quad which we can not afford. You are getting more and more worried that you are going to have difficulty in paying bills. He wants to go on a big trip this summer. You keep telling him that you can not afford it.
My Spouse is in Denial
- You would not call your spouse an alcoholic, but you have always been concerned that they drink too much at times. You notice that she is becoming more and more irritated the more she drinks. You ask her to stop and get help but she won’t listen.
I am always Sick
- You are getting sick far too often. You have terrible headaches! Your stomach is upset. You are feeling depressed. You are at your wits end. Suddenly the thought you had avoided of leaving is starting to feel like a good idea.
- You have tried so hard to ignore your intuition. You had never thought you would be the one to end the relationship. You are discovering strength and courage within yourself to make the break. It still feels overwhelming but you know that you will make it through it with the help of friends, family and professionals.
Are you Ready for the Big Decision?
Are you at the breaking point? Usually something will happen that will make you question whether it is worth trying to save your relationship. If you can relate to a half or more of the nine points you may be ready to make that big decision.
What a Relief
Once you make the decision to leave it feels like a load has come off your back. You call your best friend to tell them your decision. You start the process to leave deciding that you are going to write a letter to your spouse explaining your reasons for leaving and that you will be find a lawyer and/or mediator to begin the formal separation process.
There is Hope
You surround yourself with all those you need to walk through this process. You feel hopeful for the first time in a long time. You know deep within you that you are making the best decision.
Roland Legge offers coaching through REL Consultants for individuals, couples, families and executives to help them to be the best they can be. For more information please arrange for a free 30-minute discovery call by phoning Roland at 1 306 620-7478 or you can email Roland at firstname.lastname@example.org .
You are facing one of the most difficult times in your life. You feel lonely and abandoned. How do you choose to live during this chaotic time? Here are nine ways to access your inner strength which will help you to move through this time of uncertainty.
Spend time each day doing something you enjoy. What hobbies do you have? Do you like to read or listen to music? Spending time doing an activity that you enjoy helps to relax your muscles and quiet the mind.
Eat good food to keep up your strength. Make eating fun and pleasurable. With all the stress in your life now it is important to keep the body and mind in good shape with regular meals and nutritious food. A little comfort food won’t hurt you and might even raise your spirits. You are worth the effort!
Find a mindfulness practice that feels right for you. It is learning to allow the thoughts of your head to pass by like the credits at the end of a movie rather than get attached to any one of them. This all helps you to be able to focus your attention on what ever you are doing instead of getting caught in the fear of the past or the anxiety of the future. You might want to check out the App “Insight Timer” that you can get at the App Store and Google Play.
Have you even reflected on what is important for you in life? This would be a good time to journal on what you need in your life personally, in your relationship and in your working life. What do you need to change in your life to make these goals a reality? What would need to change in your relationship for you to live out your dreams?
5. Active Listening
Active listening means giving all our attention to the person we are talking to. One person speaks at a time and at the end the other person is asked to say to what they have heard their spouse say. If the one has not heard correctly it is easy to correct with the spouse clarifying what they had already said. You do this until both people completely understand each other.
Share with your spouse what is going well in your relationship and what is not going well. Using your active listening skills to honestly name the strengths and growing edges in your relationship. This creates an opportunity to work through the issues to come up with a win win solution.
Let your spouse know what changes you need in your relationship. To be fair to your spouse you need let them know as clearly as possible what are the essentials for you to have a happy marriage. It is important to name how you are going to change and be clear about your expectations of your spouse.
8. Friends and Family
Who are the people in your life you can be yourself with and who can be honest with you? Think of the people who will love you through thick and thin? It lightens the load when we have people to walk with us through the rough times in life.
Remind yourself over and over that the only person you can change is yourself. Do not waste your time trying to change others. It never works! But when we change ourselves people will act differently around us.
Thankfully there is much you can do to help yourself through rough times in your relationship. It is all about self care, honesty with self and partner, excellent communications and self awareness. The good news is that with support and encouragement you can move beyond old habits and thoughts into a new paradigm where you can freely express your true self not only as an individual but as a couple.
Roland Legge is a coach and founder of REL Consultants offering to help individuals, couples, families and executives to discover the wisdom that is already within them. Call Roland today at 1 306 620-7478 to arrange for a free 30-minute discovery call or email him at email@example.com for a private discussion about how he can help.