In our world of online dating, it can be hard to find the perfect match. It doesn’t take much to disappoint you.
When all the excitement and passion of falling in love have waned, you start to see your partner’s peculiarities. They begin to remind you of your in-perfections. It is tempting to run.
With the help of the Enneagram, you can increase your chances of having a healthy relationship. Instead of focussing on finding your perfect partner, it is about you learning to be your best self.
Learn in this article about the Nine Paths to healthy relationships based on your Enneagram Type.
No type is better or worse than another. I am going to share some of the strengths and challenges that come with each Enneagram type. I hope this will help you to notice what is going on inside you without judgement.
Once you can acknowledge your issues and challenges, the Enneagram can help you to find balance again.
In the end, it is all about self-discovery, honesty and taking 100 % responsibility for your self.
It is after taking full responsibility for yourself you are going to attract healthier people.
Type Eight: The Challenger:
You are a mover and shaker in the world. You have a big heart, but when you are stressed, you can be intimidating.
If you want to have a healthy relationship, you need to learn to be vulnerable. It will help your partner to let them know what is going on inside you. But before you can help your partner understand what is happening, you will need to admit it to yourself.
You will need to open your heart to your partner. When you do this, your partner will discover that underneath your rough exterior is a gentle, kind, loving and compassionate person.
If you have a type eight partner, you can let them know that you have their back, and you can trust them that they will always be there for you.
When you stand up to your type eight partner, they will love you for it.
Learn more about the Enneagram: Click Here
Type Nine: The Peacemaker
You are hungry for peace in all aspects of life. You are a great mediator because you can understand many different perspectives.
If you want a healthy relationship, it will be essential for you to value yourself. The trouble is that many type nines have difficulty respecting themselves.
It will help if you show up each day, bringing your best to the world and your best to your partner.
If you want a great relationship, you will need to let your partner know what you need. It is essential to express your desires, wishes, preferences and even sharing the names of your favourite restaurants.
You will attract healthier people when you reveal your true self every day. When you are your true self, you will stop appeasing people to keep the peace.
If you have a type nine partner, you can encourage them to let you know what they want. Reassure your loved one that no difference of opinion is going to cause you to reject her or him.
Type One: The Reformer:
Who wouldn’t want to do something the right way? When you do things correctly, it usually does not take as long, and then you can get on to other essential tasks.
Integrity is critical for you. You have a hunger to do what is right. For you, everything needs doing correctly.
You are a natural teacher. It would be best to be careful about how you convey your knowledge about better ways of doing things. You do it out of love, but for others, only hear it as nagging and criticism.
The good news is that as you become more forgiving of yourself, you are going to be more easily forgiving of others.
If you have a type one in your life, encourage them to stop being hard on themselves. Let them know when you are experiencing them as being too critical. Just remember that when they correct you, they are usually doing it out of love.
Type Two: The Helper
Nothing makes your day more than someone saying thank you for something you have done for them.
You get into trouble in relationships when you get clingy because you are fearful of not being loved in the way you expect.
To have healthy relationships, you need to focus on loving yourself. Think for a moment as to what will make you happy. What will fill you with joy?
The best gift you can give yourself and your partner is space. The more you can learn to enjoy your own company. The more you can take responsibility for your personal needs, the better chance you will have of attracting a healthy person.
If you know type two, encourage them to take care of themselves. Remind your beloved two; this person has worth just for being who they are.
Type Three: The Achiever
You are energetic, creative, playful, competitive and a motivator. You are a great leader! You can improve the life of any organization when you are your best.
When under stress, you begin to hide your true self. When you are desperate to succeed, you will do anything you think you need to do to be a success.
What you can do to get healthier is to take time to slow down and care for yourself. Everything does not need to be a competition.
The challenge for the Enneagram type three is to follow your inner wisdom than instead of getting caught up in the ego. When you caught in ego, you often will bond with people you think will help to make you successful. It never has a happy ending when you use others to make you successful.
If you have a type three partner or friend, encourage them to take a nap or just to sit and to do nothing. Challenge them to take time to notice what is going on inside them, Encourage them to let go of their constant need to compete and finally help them begin to see the feelings they are trying to avoid.
Type Four: The Individualist
Being your authentic self is essential for type four’s. You are always looking for people to have conversations about what you consider to be deep and meaningful. Talking about the weather is not one of them.
You like to express your feelings through your creativity. You show your creativity in many ways. It might be through writing, painting, photography, cooking, fashion and other creative endeavours.
When you are under stress, you get confused between what you think you need to feel versus what you feel.
The more you stay in your body, the more present you will be in the moment. The more present you, the less likely you are going to get stuck in your heavy moods of despair.
When you start to feel good about yourself, then you are more likely going to attract a person who has a healthy image of themselves.
If you have a type four partner, encourage them to express their creativity. Invite them to join in any practice that helps them to get in touch with the sensations of their body. Encourage them to focus on what is working in the relationship instead of only what is not working.
Click Here to check out these 11 signs that you are in a good relationship
Type Five: The Investigator
You love to learn. You are curious, and there is always something more to learn. You want to go deep into whatever subject you choose.
The trouble is when you are under stress, you get more fearful of sharing what you have learned for fear of looking like a fool.
You will learn that when a five learns to trust you, you will have a hard time stopping them from talking.
Sometimes fives will forget they have physical needs. It is easy for them to get stuck in their fantasy world where they feel safe from the messiness of life.
If a type five wants to find a healthy partner, it will be essential for them to get grounded in their bodies so they can take care of their physical, emotional, mental and spiritual needs.
If your partner is a type five, let them know you are interested in what they are learning. Encourage them to let you know what is going on in their head, even if they do not think they have finished their research. Help them to know they will be heard and respected.
Type Six: The Loyalist
You see problems before they happen. You love to get everyone working together. You make sure that everyone is working as a team.
At your best, you are courageous. You listen to your inner wisdom. Your mind is quiet, and your heart is open. You will take on anything that is going to make your family, community, country and world a better place.
As you move into stress, it is easy for you to get anxious and nervous. As you lose connection with yourself, you find it harder to trust your intuition.
If you want a healthy relationship, you need to find ways to quiet your mind, find a body practice to help you pay attention to your intuition and find the courage to feel your emotions. When your three centers of intelligence are working, you will learn to live in courage.
When you are not well, you will unintentionally push people away when out of your desperation to feel safe; you will overly attach to your friends, which in the end drives them away.
If you are in a relationship with a type six, encourage them to risk slowing down so they can feel what is going on. Listen to your boyfriend or girlfriend carefully when they try to describe the intense feelings of helplessness and fear they experience. Don’t try to fix them. Just let them know how difficult and painful it sounds.
Click here to learn what are The Top 3 Reasons Using the Enneagram For Couples Builds Stronger Relationships
Type Seven: The Enthusiast
You are curious, playful, spontaneous, creative and energetic. When you are with a type seven, you are going to have a good time
You attract people easily because you make sure everyone has a good time. Often type seven’s are charismatic people who naturally draw people to them. The trouble begins for you when you become desperate to keep the adrenaline going to avoid the messy feelings.
If you want to attract an excellent mate, you need to balance your need for fun with your own inner need to work through your pain.
The good news is, the more you face your pain, the more balanced your life will be. In the end, you will still be a curious person and love to have a good time. But this time it will be more balanced, you will no longer be doing to avoid pain but to get the most out of life.
If your partner is a type seven, you can encourage them to be vulnerable with you. The more they can open their heart to you, the more real they can be with you. Encourage them to slow down. You can dare them to cut down their schedule by fifty percent to open them up to face their pain.
The Enneagram can help you to discover old habits that prevent you from connecting deeply with another person because you are lying to yourself and partner about who you are.
Most importantly, the Enneagram can help you to connect with your three centers of intelligence. Your body, through its sensations, helps you to be present at the moment. Your heart enables you to feel your emotions in the moment, helping you to discover that which gives you joy, peace and meaning. Your quiet mind helps you to connect with your higher self.
When your three centers of intelligence are online, you can be present. When you are present, you reveal your true self to those you meet. You will naturally begin to attract people who are revealing their true nature.
When two healthy people come together, there is no hiding who they are, no pretending to be someone they are not and a commitment to individual and growth as a couple. You then have a great chance to have an excellent relationship because you are bringing your best selves forward into the partnership.
I am Roland Legge, an Identity Coach here to help you love yourself so you can fully love another person. You can join my private newsletter list for Free Monthly Advice and access your Free Online Enneagram Test