Facing a miscarriage is devastating! You have been preparing for the birth of this child ever since you knew you were pregnant.
You feel this child growing inside you. It is part of you. You already have hopes that this child will have a good life, making you proud and happy.
The death of a fetus is no different than any other death. You grieve every loss in life.
You not only grieve the death of another human, but you also grieve when you lose any function of your body.
Going through a miscarriage can feel lonely. You are looking for answers. It is tempting to blame yourself or your husband.
You are afraid to share this news with others for fear of what they might say making you feel even worse. They say things that discount what you have experienced such as “you can try again soon.”
Many people do not know how to respond to couples after a miscarriage. Often because of their awkwardness, people say things that ignore the pain of the couple who just experienced the loss.
It is essential to take time to heal after a miscarriage. Not only does your body need to recover, so does your heart, mind and spirit.
Here are nine ways to heal after a miscarriage:
Have a ritual is important. If you are part of a religious community, they will have a ceremony to help you through this tough time.
If you have no spiritual traditions to refer to, create your own ceremony. Bring the family together to create a service to say goodbye.
Use words, songs, music and images to express your loss. Be as creative as you like.
Use words, sounds and images:
– to acknowledge your loss of what could have been.
– to acknowledge your sadness, pain and despair.
– to say thanks to God or the universe for the life that grew within you.
Invite people to your ceremony who can share your grief with you. Feel their love as they surround you. Let tears come that will help you to release your pain.
In the end, you may want to do something to acknowledge the brief life of something that will continue to honour the life of your child. You could create a painting, make a drawing, create a stained-glass window, write a poem, and/or plant a bush or tree.
2. Self Care:
You need to care for yourself during this time. Make sure you get healthy food. Get plenty of rest. Take a few days off work to give yourself space to heal.
Make sure you take time to exercise your body. Go out for a walk. Go to the gym. Play your favourite sport. Enjoy some relaxing yoga.
Make sure you do something good for yourself every day. Read an inspiring book. Watch your favourite movie. Take a long relaxing bath. Play with your child, husband or pet.
Listening to music is like a balm for the soul. What kind of music will help you to feel surrounded by love? What type of music will inspire you to keep living?
You might want to try classical music, instrumental, jazz, gospel, opera, whatever elevates your soul.
You will need to find music that works for you. What kind of music helps you to connect with your heart, calm your mind and reminds you that you are part of something much bigger than you can imagine.
4. If you like to write, journaling can help you name the many emotions, feelings, thoughts that are working their way through your psyche.
When you can acknowledge what is going on inside, you open the doors of your heart to release the pain. Letting go of pain is all part of the grieving process.
Journaling can also include images, drawing, painting, poetry, song scores, and anything else creative.
Your journaling is just for you. You do not need to share it with anyone else unless you wish to.
5. Share your story:
You are not alone. Millions of women around the world have lived through miscarriages.
Sharing your story helps you to connect with these women. Sharing your story helps people to recognize how devastating miscarriages are for both partners.
The more open you are about your journey of grief, the more likely you are going to meet other women and couples who are having similar experiences.
You will also help others who have not experienced miscarriages to be there for those who are suffering.
There are hundreds of ways to meditate. Meditation can help you to open up your three energy centers head (mind), body (sensations) and heart (emotions).
If you have never meditated, start slowly. If you have a smartphone there are some great meditation apps to help you. The app I like the best is called “Insight Timer. It is available for both Android and iPhone.
If you are a Christian, you might like to try out “Centering Prayer.” How do you do it?
First, you choose a word or short phrase to be your mantra. You can do this through a prayer asking God to give you the word or phrase. Usually, you stick with this word or phrase for a long time.
Many practitioners suggest that two sessions of twenty minutes every day is ideal. But if you are starting this spiritual practice start with whatever amount of time you can handle.
Over time you can gradually increase the amount of time you spend meditating.
The beautiful thing about Centering Prayer is that it does not require users to empty your mind. When your mind starts to get busy you go back to focusing on your mantra until your mind calms down again.
Read More about how to heal after a Miscarriage: Click Here
7. Friends and Family:
At times of loss, it is helpful to have family and friends to be there for you. You do not want people to try and make everything okay. Because this is not possible.
A supportive family member will be there to listen to you, help you fulfill your daily responsibilities, hug you if appropriate and be there for you, so you do not feel alone.
8. Get professional help:
There is no shame in asking for professional help. If you have suffered several deaths in your family in recent times, you might need some extra support to help you move through your many griefs.
Miscarriages can be so hard because you often will not feel supported. You feel even more lonely because the people around you do not want to acknowledge your pain. Outside help may be helpful for you.
9. Moving Ahead:
After any death, life never goes back to the way it was before. However, the goal is to reclaim your joy, hope, purpose and passion for life again.
In the beginning, you may not find it easy to reconnect with friends and family. Yet it is important that you stay connected with those you love.
Make sure you reconnect with your interests, hobbies, friends and family. Start slowly and gradually to get back to a healthy balance of work, play and time alone.
Read More about Healing after a Miscarriage: Click Here
Having a miscarriage is devastating. You have experienced a significant loss even though your child never made it to infancy.
You are grieving for what could have been.:
· The birth
· The first step
· The first word
· The first day at school
· The first day at university
· Moving away from home
· And more
It is crucial to find people that will walk with you through this time of grief. People that will understand your pain.
Saying goodbye is a time to honour and care for yourself. You will care for yourself by making an effort to have a ceremony to say your thanks and goodbyes.
You will care for yourself by taking the time to make sure you are eating healthy food, getting enough sleep, having time with friends and family and having time alone.
You will care for yourself by getting help and support from family, friends and or professionals.
The good news is that there is life ahead. Yes, life will never be the same, but you will still find joy, love, compassion, purpose and meaning again.
I am Roland Legge, an Identity Coach here to help you to find healing and new life after a miscarriage. You can join my private newsletter list for Free Monthly Advice and get access to Your Free Online Enneagram Test