No divorce is easy! Even in the best circumstances, when you can both agree to the terms of the divorce it is still stressful.
Right after your divorce, you will need all the support you can receive. Friends and family might be enough. But if you are having a hard time moving ahead you would benefit from psychological help. There is no shame in getting help because this demonstrates your courage.
No matter how you feel, take your time to work through the pain of ending your relationship. It is time to focus on your own needs.
Here are four signs that you are ready to move on after your divorce:
1. You are not thinking about your ex all the time:
After your divorce, you are probably processing all the things that went wrong. You are angry! You are hurt.
You may feel guilty for your part in unravelling the relationship.
You may be angry at yourself for not ending the relationship sooner than you did.
If your spouse had an affair, you are probably feeling anger towards both your husband and the lover.
In the beginning, these negative thoughts will consume you. You may need professional help to work through them.
You will know you are ready to move on when you wake up one morning looking forward to new opportunities in your life. You will feel a lightness in your step. You are no longer consumed by the pain and anger you felt towards your husband.
Read more about how the Enneagram can help you move forward after a divorce: Click Here
2. You enjoy going out with family and friends:
After your divorce, you may not want to see anyone. You want to go home and sleep. The last thing you want is to have to face your family and friends.
The only time you go out is when someone forces you to go out with them. You feel ashamed for the failure of your relationship.
One morning you wake up, and you have a yearning to see your family or go out with your best friend.
You will notice the smile on your face returning. You feel like you have your energy back. You are tired of feeling alone.
3. Your anger has subsided:
During and after a divorce, you are feeling a lot of anger towards your husband and yourself for allowing the relationship to fall apart.
It is tempting to stay alone, going over and over all the bad things that happened.
You may feel righteous indignation at how your ex could have been so bad.
But over time, you start to see how you contributed to the demise of your relationship. You begin to forgive your husband. Forgiveness, meaning you choose not to allow the negativity of what happened to continue poisoning relationships in the future.
You notice how your anger gives away to focus your mind on the people in your life who give you hope and joy.
You no longer need to spend all your time telling your friends how horrible your ex was. You are falling in love with life again and want to share your new excitement with those you love.
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4. You are practising self-compassion:
After your divorce, you may be tempted to eat a lot of comfort food. You may have a hard time sleeping. You may be tempted to drown your pain with alcohol or drugs.
With help from friends, family and professionals, you gradually move through your pain and anger.
You must face your pain if you want to heal. To release the pain requires you to find safe places and people to let go — people who are not going to try and fix you.
It takes courage to face your internal pain. The good news is that the more you allow yourself to feel it, the less power it will have over you.
Over time you will learn to care for yourself again. You will eat good food. You will get lots of sleep. You will do good things for yourself such as getting a massage, getting your nails done, going out with a good friend or anything else that helps you to feel good.
With time you will catch yourself when you move into negativity before this dark mood overtakes you. to move on.
You now have an opportunity to grow. You have the chance to renew your life. Here is an excellent opportunity to try things you have always wanted to do but never got around to it.
If you don’t know what you want in life, this is a great time to hire a professional coach, I can help you to find a new life.
As your coach, I am here to help you unlock the wisdom that is already in you. I am here to help you let go of habits that no longer serve you and find the courage to follow your dreams.
Working with a coach is an excellent opportunity to reclaim your life. Think of this time as a gift. Use this time well and you will find a new life.
I am, Roland Legge, an Identity Coach here to help you to move on after your divorce. You can join my private newsletter list for Free Monthly Advice and get Your Free Enneagram Test