What Makes A Good Relationship According to Your Enneagram Type

The Enneagram is a psychological-spiritual tool that can help you to become more balanced in your three energy centers, head (thoughts), heart (emotions) and body (sensations). It is a map for personal growth.

This map will help you to notice when you are getting healthier or staying stuck in the limitations of your ego. The Enneagram not only reveals your level of health, but it also gives you clues to help you become more balanced.

What makes a good relationship according to your Enneagram type?  It depends on the emotional, mental and physical health of you and your partner. It requires you both to be as healthy as you can be in your Enneagram type.

There is no such thing as perfect Enneagram matches. You can build healthy relationships between any Enneagram types. Being aware of the strengths, and growing edges of both your types will give you tools to help you get along better with each other.

It is always helpful to remember that you have all nine types within you. In the end, the goal for you and your friend or partner is to bring out the best in each of you. It helps each of you to get out of your box (type) to expand your consciousness into benefiting from the gifts of all nine types.

The Enneagram is not intended to be used to judge others. The focus needs to be on you because you are the only person you can change. Also, it helps you accept your friend or partner as they are.

Here are some suggestions for each type. For you to have a good relationship you both need to keep doing your work to keep you and your relationship healthy.

Learn More About the Challenges of Being in Relationship with Each Enneagram Type:


Assertive Types

 Type Three: The Achiever:

First a healthy you, increases your chances of having a good relationship. Signs of good health include good self-care, staying in touch with your emotions, remaining honest to yourself and others and the ability to accept failure.

You are not perfect. But if you are becoming aware of your strengths and growing edges, as type three, you are on the path towards a healthy relationship with yourself and the people you value.

If you are type three, you might find it helpful to find a partner who will love your endless amounts of energy, your drive to transform the world, and your hunger to succeed.  It would help you to find a person who values your inclination to details.

You will want to find a person who will encourage you in the areas that are a growing edge for you such as taking the time to care for physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health. You will want a person who will encourage you to be your authentic self.

You will want a person who is not intimidated by your desire to be your best and your natural inclination to competition.

You will want a person who will not be afraid, to be honest with you.  You will want a person who will not be scared to challenge you when you get caught up in your need to win at any cost.


Type Seven: The Enthusiast

If you are healthy, you have a better chance of having a happy relationship. Here are some signs of health in type seven. For example, as a healthy seven, you will be able to deal with your internal pain, you will find ways to complete tasks you have begun, you will have the patience and determination to go deeper into self-reflection. You will still have an enthusiasm for life, adventure, and new experiences.  You will not expect everyone else to travel as fast as you do.

For a happy relationship, you will want a person who loves adventure too. You will want a person that enjoys spontaneity.

You will want a person that can support you during your tough times and will be willing to journey with you, helping you to find balance in your life.

Type Eight: The Challenger

If you are type eight, signs of good health include an ability to show your vulnerable side, the courage to stand up for people living on the fringes of society and aware of how your honesty and transparency can intimidate others.

You want to find a partner who will not be intimidated by your intensity. You will need a person that can help you to create a safe space for you to show your beautiful big heart.

You need a partner who will not try to control you and who is willing to join in your passion for making the world a better place. You will benefit from a partner who will ultimately accept you for who you are.

You need a person who will be completely honest with you. A person who will be able to challenge you when you get stuck in your ego.  A person who will be able to confront you with compassion when your fear of being blocked is taken out in anger against the people you love.

Your partner will be one who has your back. You know they will always be there to journey with you through all the ups and downs of life.


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Withdrawn Types

Type Four: The Individualist

You are a fantastic person. As a type four, your hunger to identify your unique qualities and have them honoured. Here are some of the qualities of healthy four. You can love yourself. You are creative. You experience a deep bond with those you love. You can see beauty everywhere. You have grown to accept the ordinary in daily life. You can celebrate what you have rather than being jealous of what others have. You love to connect to people heart to heart and can trust that there are people in your life to support you.

You can benefit from having a partner who appreciates your ability to share on such a deep level. Your partner needs to be a person who is comfortable revealing themselves to you. She or he needs to be a person who can name their own emotions and be not afraid of them.

As a type four, you would benefit from a partner who gives you the freedom to express your creative self.

You will find greater harmony with a person who is comfortable journeying with you into the deep abyss of your emotions and not afraid of the intensity of the feelings you express.

You need a person who will encourage you to appreciate what you have rather than getting stuck in jealousy for what others have that you do not.

You want a person who will be willing to create a safe environment where it is safe to reveal your authentic self.


Type Five: The Individualist

 You are brilliant!  When you are at your best, you can take care of your body. You are not afraid to share your ideas even if they don’t feel complete. You are a great observer.

While you enjoy lots of time alone, you can enjoy going out with your partner, friends and family. You learn how every choice you make impacts the rest of your life.

You can enjoy your ability to fantasize about your life but don’t allow this part of your life to take over.

The mate you are looking for will be comfortable with you having time to yourself. You will benefit from having similar interests which will help you to come together mentally, emotionally and physically.

Your lover will give you lots of space to form your thoughts. He or she will encourage you to share what is going on inside your head.

You will need to give your partner some updates on your thought processes. Don’t wait until you have made your decision to tell your partner. A surprise like this will not be warmly received as your love had no warning.

Find a mate who will encourage you to get in touch with your emotions, feelings and sensations. You will need the help of your partner to create a safe space.


Type Nine: The Peacemaker

You bring the gift of peace and harmony into the world. You have the powerful and challenging gift of being able to understand different people’s perspectives which makes you an excellent mediator.

At your best you healthy, confident, and expressive even amid conflict. At your best, you can positively express anger. You are clear about your own needs and not afraid to ask for them. You are not afraid to express your point of view. When conflict does show itself, you can respond to it with confidence.

Often you are attracted to opposites.  There is nothing wrong with this, but you need to find a way as a couple to support each other in your personal growth.

I encourage you to find a partner who will inspire you to face conflict; a partner who can stay calm when talking about difficult subjects.

Look for a partner who won’t take over all the decisions. Find the person who will give you room to discern what you enjoy doing — a person who is willing to find a win-win solution.

I hope you find a partner who will give you lots of warning when they want to suggest significant changes in your lives individually and together.



Type One: The Reformer

You have a powerful sense of what is right. You intuitively know what the better way is to live and act in the world. At your best, you are kind and gentle with yourself and those around you. You are patient, kind and wise. You feel attuned to God and the universe. You have a hunger to make the world a better a place. You are tireless in your dedication to your work.

While you are often severe, you have discovered the delight of play. You have a great sense of humour. You are finding the courage to express and act upon your passionate desires for your own life.

You will be blessed by a partner who helps you to get out of your heavy seriousness by bringing you out of it with humour, playfulness and spontaneity.

You will be enriched by a partner who has the same kind of hunger to transform the world. It will be vital that you share interests that excite you both.

You will need a partner who will help you to see there are usually more than two options to deal with an issue. There is often a third way.


Type Two: The Helper

You are such a gift to your community. You have a passion for supporting others in their lives. You have an intuition that helps you to understand what other people need more than any other type.

You are at your best when you care as much for your wellbeing as you do for your friends, family, co-workers and clients. You are a blessing when you can help others when you don’t have any expectations of the people you support.

You need a person who will embrace you with love, encouragement and not afraid to challenge you. You need someone who is wise and will know how to test you with gentleness and respect. You want a person who will not put up with your desire to manipulate when you become desperate for attention.

You benefit from a person who appreciates your generosity of spirit. You will find health and happiness with a person who will encourage you to take care of yourself.  You will bloom with a person who does not take your kindness for granted.


Type Six: The Loyalist

At your best you a courageous person. You are deeply committed to your relationships. People can trust you to follow through on what you promise to do. The safety of yourself and those you care about is always a priority. You love to fix problems before they even become an issue.

You will benefit from people that will help you to feel secure in your relationships. You will grow in relationships that encourage you to face your fears, stay present in your body, and focus on what you can change.

You experience transformation through relationships that will confront you in a positive way when out of fear you try to manipulate people and groups into making choices that give you the illusion of safety and security.

You need people who will shine the light on your when you start to get angry with people who refuse to follow your orders.

You will transform yourself and those around you when you can reveal your sense of humour and willingness to be vulnerable when you are in mutual relationships where you have the freedom to be yourself.

Read More About How Good Relationships Work


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You can build a healthy relationship with any personality type.  The most important thing is that you and your friend or partner is on the life long journey to discovering who you indeed are.

The Enneagram is not a quick fix. It is a tool and teaching that gives you a map (guide) to becoming self-aware so you can spend more time living as you are meant to be rather than getting stuck in the limitations of ego.

The Enneagram is never enough in itself. Besides this fantastic map, you need to find ways to get better in touch with your body through activities such as yoga, massage, meditation Tai Chi, walking and other forms of exercise.

Don’t shy away from your emotions. Your emotions are full of wisdom if you balance the insights of your feelings with the that of the body and mind.

In the end, you want to build relationships that will bring out your best qualities, challenge you in loving ways when you get constricted in your ego.

You want relationships that honour the life journey you are on; relationships where people take a hundred percent responsibility for their behaviour and resist judging themselves and those they love.


I am, Roland Legge a Life Coach here to help you to build healthy relationships. You can join my private newsletter list for Free Monthly Advice and get Your Free Enneagram Test and sign up for a Free 30 Minute Discovery Call with me in my Acuity Scheduling Calendar.


This post is reproduced with permission by the author Roland Legge. Click Here to see the original Post

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