What Makes Good Relationships Work? These 11 Simple Things

couple cafe

Good relationships are precious like gold. They turn your ordinary everyday life into something extraordinary. Are you hungry for one?

What makes a good relationship work? They work when there is a deep commitment of two people to bring out the best in each other.

When there is a deep commitment to take full responsibility for your emotional and physical issues, you are creating space to build a  healthy relationship.  When there is a willingness to be vulnerable with each other, sharing what is going on in your lives from the best to the worst you can be honest with each other.

No matter what healthy relationships require time and commitment.

Here are 11 simple things to make a  good relationship:

1.      Love yourself:

If you don’t feel good about yourself, you are going to struggle in a relationship. To fully love another person it is important that you love yourself first.

There are many ways to love yourself. You can love yourself by getting enough sleep. You can love yourself by taking time for yourself. You can love yourself by spending time on activities that give you life.  You can love yourself by being more forgiving of your own mistakes.

2.      Get your needs met:

You are the only person who can ensure that all your needs are getting met. First, you need to ensure you know what you need in your life.  When you learn what you need, then you can let your partner know what your needs are. If your partner is not able to meet a particular need, then explore who among your friends can help this to happen. No person can fulfil all your needs even the love of your life.

3.      Become self-aware:

For a healthy relationship, you need to have a good relationship with yourself. When you pay attention to your body, heart and head, you will know deep within you how you need to live your life.

There are many tools to help you become self-aware including the Enneagram, Yoga, Massage, Body Talk and just about any physical exercise.  For your Free Enneagram Test Ebook sign up for my newsletter Click Here

Find a daily or at least weekly practise to stay grounded and remain open to the wisdom of your body, emotions and quiet mind.  It will make a big difference in your own life and the life of your relationship.

4.      Eat well:

Believe it or not, healthy eating can help you to have a better relationship with the one you love.  You will be healthier, happier and energized.

A healthy habit to build into your relationship is to enjoy at least one meal a day with your partner.

Taking time to eat with your partner every day. Make one meal a day a sacred time to ensure you have time to connect with each other. This will help you to stay aware of what is happening in your daily lives.

5.      Build good friendships outside your relationship:

You always need friends even when you have a special relationship. Remember what I said earlier that no one person could provide for all our needs.

Friends play a valuable role in helping you to be self-aware in your intimate relationship.  So often we are too close to ourselves and our partner to see what is going on. A friend who knows us well can help us to see our blind spots. They can help us to see how we are part of the problem and how we can be part of the solution.

6.      Learn to communicate with your partner:

Communication is important for healthy relationships. Each of us communicates in different ways.  You need to be able to express yourself verbally and learn from your partner’s body language.

There are simple things like ensuring that you are speaking to your partner in the room they are in and looking directly into their eyes.  Sit down when you are talking with each other. Use “I” statements when you talk. Take responsibility for what you say.

Click Here to learn more about having a healthier marriage

7.      Let your partner know what you need:

Your partner can not read your mind. It is important to let your partner know what makes you feel special. Let them know what you would like to do with them for fun and recreation. If you feel hurt, you need to let them know what is bothering you in a constructive, caring way.

8.      Dating:

Good relationships require that you spend time together. Make sure you take time every day to connect and let each other know what is on your mind. At least once a week go out on a date, just the two of you, to enjoy each others company.

9.      Money and Power:

Relationships are healthy when you can talk openly about money. A good place to start is to discuss how your own families dealt with money. Did you come from a family that focussed on saving or spending money?  Did your family have enough money to live well or was your family always short?  Then it is important for you to decide how you as a couple will share the expenses if you are living together.

You might create one shared a bank account or keep your accounts separate.  What are your spending priorities?  At what amount does a purchase need to be a shared decision.

If you have a shared account, who is going to pay the bills. How are you going to make sure that both of you are aware of where the money is going.

Take the time to create a budget and find a method to keep track of your spending so you will have a better understanding of how you are using your money.


10.  Intimacy and Sex:

You and your partner may have different sexual needs. One may want it more often than the other.   You need to find a way to honour each of your needs.

Before you ever get intimate talk about the risk of pregnancy and how you want to manage it. Come up with a plan of what you will do if the woman ever gets pregnant.  Even with the best of birth control conception can happen.

Each of you needs to take full responsibility to get all your sexual needs met. If you are not getting what you want, you do need to tell your partner what you need.

It is a good idea for each of you reflect on what you need and share this information with your partner when you are not in bed.  It is not possible to tell your partner what you need if you don’t know what it is.

Click Here for tips on how to fall in love deeper with your Partner

11.  Respect and honour differences:

Both of you will see the world in different ways depending on your personality type. To learn more about Enneagram personality types: Click Here.

It is the uniqueness of each other coming together that makes your relationship so special.  You can not assume that your partner is going to have the same priorities. You can not assume that your partner is going to want to keep your house or apartment organized in the way you do.

So just because your partner doesn’t do something in the way you like doesn’t mean they don’t love you.  I think for many couples the simple rule is that whoever is doing a particular task gets to do it in the way they like.  A good question to ask yourself is “Will the world end if my partner does it his or her way?  Usually, the answer is no.



Building a good relationship is not rocket science.  It takes self-reflection, time, self-care, good communication, a sense of humour, openness, a willingness to deal with conflict constructively, trust and the desire to encourage each other to be your best selves.

There is no shortcut!  The legend of getting married and living happily ever after only happens when you are intentional about making it happen.

Are you ready to invest in a good relationship?  If you are you are going to find richness in life you never dreamt was possible.


Roland Legge can help you to get to know yourself better and enhance your relationship with that special person.  For more information, please arrange for a free 30-minute discovery call by emailing Roland: rolandlegge@relconsultants.com  or book your appointment 


Originally Published on the Blog of REL Consultants  Reproduced with permission of Roland Legge

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